Writer’s Block

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With my pen in my hand,
I glare at the page.
“Why won’t the words come?”
I rant and I rave.

When I do other things,
Thoughts flow in by the score.
But when I pick up a pen,
They flee out the door.

And the ideas I grab
Are so thin and so weak,
Instead of those bold thoughts
I was trying to seek?

All my bright dreams
So quickly disperse,
And I’m stuck with this poem,
For better or verse.

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Saturday Funnies

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 No More Tears

His Tone Requires A Gear Shift

(My uncle owns a chain of bike shops. We’re having a meal with my grandparents, and have gathered at the shop waiting for my cousin to finish his shift. An obnoxious customer is giving him trouble.)

Customer: “You are useless! Do you even know anything about bikes?”

Cousin: “When I’m not here, I race them.”

Customer: “Don’t take that tone with me!”

Cousin: “I wasn’t trying to take any tone—”

Customer: “Do you know who I am?! I’m the owner’s brother, and I will have you fired!”

(I am unable to contain myself, and turn to my brother.)

Me: “Did you hear that, bro? We’ve got another uncle!”

Customer: “…What?”

(The customer turns to see the crowd of us waiting.)

Dad: “I have another brother?”

Granddad: *to my grandmother* “Was this while I was away at sea? How could you?”

Grandmother: “All the jokes about a child in every port, and you were hiding THIS?”

Customer: “I… er…”

Uncle: “Well you don’t need to ring me; I’m here already! What has my son done this time?”

(The customer runs out. My dad starts shouting after him in a bad Italian accent.)

Dad: “You don’t a messa with the family!”

Grandmother: *to my granddad* “Well that one’s definitely yours.”

Saturday Funnies

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Titanic Mutant Ninja Turtle, Dead Ahead
(My friend finishes watching Titanic in her History in Film class.)

Girl: “Oh, my goodness! That was so sad! I’m so glad it was just a movie!”

Friend: “Um. You know that actually happened, right?”

Girl: “What?! But… How could they do that?!”

Friend: “Do… What?”

Girl: “Just stay there filming while all those people died and not even try to help!”

Friend: “I don’t think you—”

Girl: “Wait, but Leonardo da Vinci died and he’s still alive!”

Friend: “… It’s DiCaprio. Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Girl: “Nooo, he’s the one who painted all those famous pictures!”

Why bother lying on top of the bed?